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I am amazed at how powerful she looks and the amount of control she now has over me. She leaves the room and is gone for what seems like forever. When she returns, she stands before me with her hands on her hips. I am sobbing, so I choose my words carefully and she is amazed at how pathetic I look as I talk to her."I will behave, Mommy. I promise I'll be a good girl. But, can I be a boy now? This is starting to hurt." Her face lights up now that she knows she can control me with relative ease. She gently removes the bandage, telling me she wants me to shave down there, something I have never done. It hurts as she pulls the bandage off, so I will try my best to remain clean down there. "Be a good girl and shave your clitty for me, or I might let one of my friends do it for you." The thought makes me decide to do as I am told, but I become hard at the same time."Yes, Mommy," is all I can say to her. She looks at me and grins. Sherry goes on to tell me that since she now has all of the. I collected catalogs for cameras, book stores, audio shops, colleges, drama and film schools. It was all terrifically energizing. Yet I soon began to feel like Tantalus tormented in the garden, feeling more and more inadequate. I knew that when I returned home this environment of creativity and accomplishment and opportunity would no longer exit. The exact opposite was what I would find at home.And in Memphis, Martha would be missing as well. In a way I tried not getting too used to her, knowing she would disappear in a few weeks. But Martha was far too sensual and overpowering for me to begin thinking of myself as independent of her. Martha's effect on me was far from limited to sex, but that was the area of greatest immediacy.Compared with my first week in New York, Martha and I had sex only three times during the second week, our schedules being so hectic and demanding in their own way. Being in bed with her was becoming a contest within myself, with me trying to convince myself.
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